The world’s economy is up a creek without a paddle. Interest rates are at low tide, and what paddles there were have been stolen by greedy bankers as a means of escape. Here are some new programmes for you to watch; it’s show-time!

So You Think You Can Dance?

See back-pedalling bankers attempt to dance around the subject as they are caught waltzing off with people’s money. Fire them all and get some bossae novae.

Big Brother

The prime-ministers of the world are watching you, so you’d better behave yourselves.

Who Wanted To Be A Millionaire?

Well, lots of people did, including the bosses, but now it’s different. The public certainly won’t help, the bankers have no friends left to phone, and they must be joking if anybody will agree to odds of 50/50 (apart from betting on how long their careers will last).

N.C.I.S.

Stands for “no change in safe.”

Antiques Roadshow

Nobody can afford to buy new cars anymore.

House

Hugh Lorrie was originally part of a comedy duo with Stephen Fry. As a medical professional, he seems to have a knack of finding out what ails the patient every time. Bankers, however, are a lost case.

How Clean Is Your House?

So who was it who forgot to shred all the evidence of big payouts, then?

The Weakest Link

This is a cleverly-designed programme that makes the bankers genuinely believe that they have a chance of escape, by telling them that one of the links in their handcuffs is suffering from metal-fatigue. Can’t wait to see what they do when cornered by the disciplinarian female host who snarls “you are the weakest link, goodbye”.

Without A Trace

Yes, this is what the whole problem is about, isn’t it?

And should you still not be satisfied with tonight’s line-up, I suggest a hot milk and whisky; nobody seems to be able to do anything about them anyway. Sleep well.

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